Hello, my name is Laura, and I’m a

recovering perfectionist. 

There was a time in my life when I was stretched too thin, trying to do everything for everyone, and it left me way off-balance.

This led to developing unhealthy behaviors to cope with the stress and discomfort… and I found myself feeling stuck and out of control with these frustrating habits.

Maybe you can relate:

• You desperately want to stop, but you keep going back to this habit over and over

• You’re fed up with the frustration, embarrassment, and shame of it, but you don’t know how to break free from the cycle

• You’re battling burnout or overwhelm, which leaves you with no energy to fight these urges or impulses

• You worry if others really knew the real you, they would judge you or think you’re crazy

This doesn't have to be your story.

I’ve been in your shoes. Personally, I struggled with a number of unwanted behaviors and unhealthy coping tools, but the one that had the biggest impact on me was trichotillomania, or hair pulling. 

I’ve learned so much on my own journey, and now I want to share this knowledge and empowerment to others who have similar struggles.

Once upon a time...

I used to feel like I needed to be everything to everyone and do

all the things.

I always ended up at the bottom of my unreasonably long to-do list, (which was kind of like not making it on the list at all). Everyone else's needs came before mine.

When things didn’t go well, I told myself I just needed to try harder, be more efficient, trust the process, etc.

From the outside, my life looked great - happy marriage, healthy kids, a great job- but I was miserable on the inside.

The cost of doing too much

It comes down to this- life is stressful and we all need ways to cope. When we try to ignore our own needs, stay busy without taking time to recharge, or feel stifled by those around us, our body and brain start to look for ways to soothe us. These unwanted behaviors are a normal and expected result when your brain and body are off-balance.

And guess what - these behaviors aren't trying to ruin your life; they're trying to protect you. They're just a little misguided.

For me, I had all kinds of ways to deal with stress. I grasped for more control with unhealthy eating habits and perfectionism, and I sought comfort in hair pulling (although I definitely didn’t recognize it as comforting back then!).

Finding the missing piece

After searching for answers in conferences, retreats, workshops, self-help books, therapy, coaching, and reflection, I acquired an enormous list of strategies for behavior change... and realized that strategies are helpful, but they alone are not enough.

In some ways, knowing the recommended strategies or treatments actually intensified my shame, because even thought I finally knew what the experts said I should be doing to change, I still couldn’t bring myself to use these strategies regularly.

With time and lived experience, I learned that freedom we so desperately want requires shifting our mindset and addressing our negative emotions around the behavior. 

Simply put, the strategies won’t “work” without

acceptance and self-compassion.

When we resist the parts of ourselves that we don't like, it just adds to the tension that these behaviors are desperately trying to relieve us of. Beating ourselves up for being stuck in this cycle just gives the behaviors more work (i.e. soothing) to do.

One more thing about freedom...

Another important lesson I've learned is that freedom from an unwanted behavior is not just about stopping the behavior. 

There are 2 parts to this equation -

(1) the behavior and (2) how you feel about it.

Addressing either one (or both) will give you freedom from it. 

A new chapter

How did my life change when I started using new coping strategies, acceptance, and self-compassion to show up for myself? 

I forgave myself for all my perceived failures and cast off the shame that was holding me back. Then, I started to flourish professionally, show up for my kids on a whole new level, and connect with an out-of-this-world partner who respects and values me, even on my worst days. I learned to respect my body for all the amazing things it does to keep me alive and I am no longer haunted by hair pulling. I practice the strategies that work for me and I release what doesn't serve me.

To be clear- this doesn't mean my life is perfect now; far from it! But when challenges show up, I choose to be empowered, accepting, and compassionate with myself. I cope in ways that I feel good about. And all of this helps me stay (mostly) balanced, despite the chaos that sometimes still surrounds me.

If you’re ready to experience a sense of balance and the freedom to choose how you cope (rather than your body and brain choosing for you), schedule a free 30-minute Breakthrough Strategy Session now.